Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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