I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
