I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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