yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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