We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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