CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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