M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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