i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
