I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
