and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
