i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
