Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
