That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
