If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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