Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to jail i love you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
