he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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