Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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