my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
