We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
