I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
