At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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