We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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