Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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