Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
