i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
