i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just gift wrapped bread.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
