you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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