What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
