Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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