It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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