Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
