Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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