this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
