a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
