Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
