I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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