Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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