I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
