i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
