Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
