I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
