Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
