Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
