She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
