So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The power of my boobs compel you
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
