maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you inspire me to be a worse person
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
