So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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