I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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