Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
