**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
