Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have post one night stand depression
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