Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
