I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dicks are not precious.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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