I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love having hate sex.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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