I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
