Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
