Welp...herpes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
